Monthly Archives: June 2003

My first ever post from the road. We are in Lisbon. Lisbon is pretty nice. When we arrived, it was an oven. It has cooled down. They are big on second hand books and fish. They are not big on vegetarian food. Still, it’s lovely and hilly and really pretty nice. Very good custard tarts and all. We are flying to Rio tomorrow. That’s it. Was that interesting?

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Hi. We are back. We went to a wedding and have been spending some time in London. It has been pretty nice. Doing very litle. The big news is that we have finally booked a trip, and will be travelling to Brazil for a month. Get in there! I haven’t been buying any records, or any of anything, in fact. I’ve been spending money only on food, drink, and plane tickets. No more possessions! Bye!

(hi Kris!)

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I should have told you this earlier: DON’T BUY TINNED PRODUCTS ANYMORE!!

Join me in my revolt against tinned fruit and other foods (especially hams). It’s time to say: ‘No to tins’.

Ten other things that should be banned:

1. Men

2. Any number that begins and ends with 4

3. Fucking people that get in my way when I get on the train. Alright?

(banned number). Other planets

5. Depeche Mode

6. That bloke from the television

7. His Mum

8. All those green things I keep seeing

9. Greg and Fred

10. Pete

I went to a gig the other night. I left early because I needed a soft turd. I went to the cinema later. I left early because the film was about, get this, ‘ALIENS AND PEOPLE’. What the fuck is that about?? Let’s get some perspective people.

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Well, cor blimey and blow me down. What a couple of weeks. I’ve been in and out, down and up and round and about. I’ve been in New York and now I am here. That’s right everyone – I’m in the big L.O.N.D.O.N.

L is for lively

O is for Oxford

N is for nice

D is for Daisy (balls in fanny)

O is for orgasm (from balls in fanny)

N is for Northampton Town

Keep it real. So what’s new? Two things: I’ve bought a really big car – and I’ve sold all my records.

My car is half a 1991 Mini Metro welded to the back-end of a bus. It looks totally shit. ‘Where did I get the money from,’ I hear you ask. STOP SHOUTING AT ME… I’ll tell you when I’m good and ready.

Right. I got the money from selling all – yes ALL – of my records. I now hate music. I only kept one CD. It’s by Cameraman – and it’s called ‘Automatic’. I fucking love this track. It makes me want to wet myself. It’s so good. Cameraman is a GOD. He likes long hair and bad clothes. And so do I. Since coming back to the UK, I have had hair extensions and I drive round in the Metro/Bus fusion all day playing ‘Automatic’ over and over again.

I saw some TV the other day too. I liked it.

I also had a shit.

And I ate some food.

From time to time I think about going back to the States. But I’ve wasted all my money on the Metro/Bus fusion.

Remember to ask the paca. Bye.

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