Well, cor blimey and blow me down. What a couple of weeks. I’ve been in and out, down and up and round and about. I’ve been in New York and now I am here. That’s right everyone – I’m in the big L.O.N.D.O.N.

L is for lively

O is for Oxford

N is for nice

D is for Daisy (balls in fanny)

O is for orgasm (from balls in fanny)

N is for Northampton Town

Keep it real. So what’s new? Two things: I’ve bought a really big car – and I’ve sold all my records.

My car is half a 1991 Mini Metro welded to the back-end of a bus. It looks totally shit. ‘Where did I get the money from,’ I hear you ask. STOP SHOUTING AT ME… I’ll tell you when I’m good and ready.

Right. I got the money from selling all – yes ALL – of my records. I now hate music. I only kept one CD. It’s by Cameraman – and it’s called ‘Automatic’. I fucking love this track. It makes me want to wet myself. It’s so good. Cameraman is a GOD. He likes long hair and bad clothes. And so do I. Since coming back to the UK, I have had hair extensions and I drive round in the Metro/Bus fusion all day playing ‘Automatic’ over and over again.

I saw some TV the other day too. I liked it.

I also had a shit.

And I ate some food.

From time to time I think about going back to the States. But I’ve wasted all my money on the Metro/Bus fusion.

Remember to ask the paca. Bye.

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